just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
