I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
