my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Randomize
