my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
