I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
