I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
