remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
