i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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