dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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