Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
