And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
nutella sex= disaster
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
