Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize