went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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