I think my vagina is haunted
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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