I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
