Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We just shotgunned beers for America
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
