I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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