Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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