I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
