had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
