Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
