i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
