So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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