This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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