my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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