What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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