On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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