I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
