Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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