He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
