Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
