I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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