How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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