im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize