I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
