Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
