whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
