if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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