Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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