We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
