the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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