bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
look no pants
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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