I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
