ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
