Will you blow on my dice?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
