so explain again why im purple
no
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize