my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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