You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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