yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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