I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
