he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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