i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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