Me. At least after what I've been through.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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