So drunk its hurt
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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