people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
