She announced her abortion via fbk
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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