i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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