Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
