Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
