i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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