she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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