I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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