i was born a porn star she said
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
