I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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