Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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