So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
