I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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