Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
