You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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