when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
