Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
